Ack. I’m having self-conscious attacks. They’re panic attacks that stem from being embarrassed. Maybe I should have started my blog under a safe, secure, pseudonym. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about what people think of me in real life. I could be blissfully anonymous under my alter-ego.
So do you know why I didn’t do that? Let’s see . . . 1) I’d think I did it because I was embarrassed by myself (of course it would be because I was embarrassed by myself), 2) It might get hard to keep track of separate personalities, 3) I want to be able to take credit for good stuff in person. Hey people could love it, and I’d be famous in real life—like Tony Stark!
Okay. I can start an alter-ego blog anytime. It will never be too late for that.
My next dilemma is what parts do I show and tell. I read somewhere that we should not blog our failures, just our successes. Of course I read that in an article detailing the blogger’s disregard for that and other “rules”. But seriously, should I portray the angst or just the calm wisdom that usually follows?
Angst is funnier, and it builds comradery when exposed in small doses. But I don’t want my blog to turn into a never-triumphant, middle-aged Catcher in the Rye. And I don’t want to exaggerate my struggles in the quest to entertain.
I guess the bull’s eye I’m targeting is this: I want what I write to only improve others’ estimations of me, never detract. So basically, I’m operating under a ridiculously debilitating fear of rejection. Youch.
*Deep breath* Not everybody loves you.
*oumm* And that’s okay.
*sniff* There are always some people who do love you.
*Sneeze* And you should have vacuumed the corners.
Yeah, we’ll keep working on this. Good night.