Exposure vs. Exhibitionism—How much is too much

Ack. I’m having self-conscious attacks. They’re panic attacks that stem from being embarrassed. Maybe I should have started my blog under a safe, secure, pseudonym. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about what people think of me in real life. I could be blissfully anonymous under my alter-ego.

So do you know why I didn’t do that? Let’s see . . . 1) I’d think I did it because I was embarrassed by myself (of course it would be because I was embarrassed by myself), 2) It might get hard to keep track of separate personalities, 3) I want to be able to take credit for good stuff in person. Hey people could love it, and I’d be famous in real life—like Tony Stark!

Ah. To ponder the universe.

Okay. I can start an alter-ego blog anytime. It will never be too late for that.

My next dilemma is what parts do I show and tell. I read somewhere that we should not blog our failures, just our successes. Of course I read that in an article detailing the blogger’s disregard for that and other “rules”. But seriously, should I portray the angst or just the calm wisdom that usually follows?

Angst is funnier, and it builds comradery when exposed in small doses. But I don’t want my blog to turn into a never-triumphant, middle-aged Catcher in the Rye. And I don’t want to exaggerate my struggles in the quest to entertain.

I guess the bull’s eye I’m targeting is this: I want what I write to only improve others’ estimations of me, never detract. So basically, I’m operating under a ridiculously debilitating fear of rejection. Youch.

*Deep breath* Not everybody loves you.
*oumm* And that’s okay.
*sniff* There are always some people who do love you.
*Sneeze* And you should have vacuumed the corners.

Yeah, we’ll keep working on this. Good night.

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